


First day of my life

by mrshownuidontfeelsogood



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Other characters are mentioned in passing, Past Lives, but it's mainly kiho, major character death but they live, this is my first fic pls dont crucify me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 13:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14977706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrshownuidontfeelsogood/pseuds/mrshownuidontfeelsogood
Summary: A red string ties them together. They're bound to end up with each other, in this life or the next.Where it takes a couple of times before things finally work out for Wonho and Kihyun- a story set years apart from each other.





	First day of my life

**Author's Note:**

> uwu this is my first fanfic ik it sucks but i needed to get it out of my system pls dont h8 me thx. the title is from that bright eyes song.

**975**

  
The candlelight cast shadows on Kihyun’s face, painting a portrait in shades of gold. Hoseok held the younger boy in his arms as sobs racked through him. To him, there was no one as beautiful, he thought, as Kihyun naked in the auburn light, glowing. Kihyun’s skin, pale as milk and free of scars. His body, svelte and slender. The prince usually carries himself with an air of dignity, but now he was reduced to a bawling boy. He held him close, close to his chest, so that he could hear the steady thrum of Hoseok’s heart, although his attempts to keep Kihyun from weeping were futile. Kihyun’s head was nestled between Hoseok’s neck and shoulder, taking in his scent and his warmth as he softly sobbed.

“Don’t go. I don’t want you to go, please”, Kihyun pleaded. Hoseok kept quiet, rubbing circles against Kihyun’s shoulderbone. “Please, please, don’t if you do you’ll never come back”, the younger boy said, in between fits of tears. Hoseok placed his hands on Kihyun’s shoulders before pushing Kihyun away from him, away from the warmth. Holding Kihyun’s face, he wipes away the fresh tears trickling down his face with his thumb. Hoseok had the gall to jest.

“Do you not believe in my abilities? Am I not the greatest swordsman in your father’s guard? Believe me when I say I’ll come back to you, my prince.” He closes the space between them and fits Kihyun’s lips with his, and he could taste the salty tears running down Kihyun’s face but he didn’t care, not when he couldn’t do this for a long time. Their lips part, but they don’t break; and Hoseok, with a voice softer than a whisper, says “Trust my word that I’ll come back. Close your eyes and count to ten, and when you open your eyes, I’ll be here. It won’t be long, you’ll see”, he reassures.

Kihyun wakes but the bed is cold, and there is nothing but empty space beside him. Winter came and spring passed, but Hoseok never returned.

* * *

 

**August 20, 1889**

  
Hoseok,  
I write to you here in Macau. The day is sunny and the sea is glistening. I wish you were here to share the sight. As I write this letter to you, the captain and the rest of the crew are probably in the nearest gambling house, drinking their heads off and picking fights with the Portuguese. I, meanwhile, have taken to exploring the city. The town square is nothing I’ve ever seen, different from any other place in Asia. Up the main streets stand a skeleton of a catholic church, a shadow of what was once, possibly, a glory to behold. The cobblestone streets are lined with vendors selling yuk-gon and pastel de nata. Once I arrive home, I’ll try replicating them for you, so you would have a taste of the sights I’ve seen. Can you picture the image I’ve described? Perhaps once we’ve scraped up enough money I can take you here. We set off in two days. There’s never a day that goes by that the I am free from the ache in my chest, not for as long as I am without you.

  
Love always,  
Kihyun

**October 13, 1889**

  
Hoseok,  
The chill has settled here in Yokohama. The waves have been hammering against the ship relentlessly the whole voyage, and we found a capsized boat just off the coast. The days are bleaker, colder, yet I remain. Yesterday I watched Changkyun almost get beat up by a fisherman after he slipped right in front of him in the port. I’m sure there was no foul play involved, yet it was a comical sight. I picked up a jade necklace a vendor was selling earlier, which I thought would look well with your hanbok. I hope to arrive before seollal, so you can wear it then. I also wanted to pick up a book since I’ve been growing bored in the ship, but everything was in Japanese. Finally, I came across an artist and so I asked him to replicate the image I keep of you in my locket. It’s not in its best condition, considering the time I fell overboard back in September. I’ll have to say, I’m quite disappointed with his work. It didn’t do you justice, but it will suffice. I shall have another commissioned once I reach home. Expect me to be home by December or January- before the winter winds turn its coldest. There’s never a day that goes by that the I am free from the ache in my chest, not for as long as I am without you.

Love always,  
Kihyun

**November 28, 1889**

  
Hoseok,  
I come bringing fair news. Despite the sharp bite of the winter winds, the sea fares us well. We have finally docked in Busan, so close to home. Few of the crew members already alighted the ship, and we’re all itchin. Though we are finally back, I cannot truly say I am home until I am with you. I’ll save the rest of my stories for when we finally see each other. By the time you receive this letter, I’ll probably be only a few days away. There’s never a day that goes by that the I am free from the ache in my chest, not for as long as I am without you.

Love always,  
Kihyun

**Message in a bottle, found off the coast of Yantai (May 25, 1891)**  
by _Shin Baek Young_

A message in a bottle was found off the coast of Yantai, a region in Shandong province in northeastern China. The letter dates back two years ago, addressed to a man named Hoseok, signed by a Kihyun. With the given names, it is evident that two of the correspondents are Korean. The contents of the letter detail a ship’s encounter with a rogue wave, which subsequently led to the flooding of the ship. The letter ends on a sorry note, with Kihyun apologizing for not being able to keep his promise of coming back. The ship mentioned is presumably the starship, a trading vessel which sank three miles off the port of Incheon. 13 crew members were found washed ashore, while the bodies of four others have still not been found to date. A Yoo Kihyun is part of the starship’s crew, serving as second mate. To this day his body is yet to be found and identified.

 

* * *

 

**1955**

Hoseok is folding a paper crane- the 478th one, he thinks, when Kihyun begins to stir awake. “Hey,” Hoseok greets cheerfully, sitting on a chair bedside. Kihyun awakens only to be met with darkness, yet somehow he can feel the warmth radiating from Hoseok’s voice. “How are you feeling today?” Hoseok asks. “Peachy.” Kihyun replies drily. He reaches over, to what he thinks would be the general direction of where Hoseok is at. Hoseok knows the protocol, and holds Kihyun’s outstretched hand.

“I brought you flowers”, Hoseok supplies. “I figured it would do well for you to smell something other than sanitized hospital equipment. Kihyun smiles at this, “What are they?” Hoseok reaches over for the vase of jasmines, holding it close to Kihyun’s face for him to smell.

“Hoseok, I love you, but I’m not a dog that has some heightened sense of smell, just tell me what they are,” Kihyun says, feigning irritation. He doesn’t have to be able to see to know that Hoseok’s cheeks are turning a rosy shade, and true to his intuition, it is. “Hey, I tried,” says Hoseok weakly. “Atleast I made you smile. They’re jasmines, by the way.” he adds. Really, only Yoo Kihyun would be capable of bossing Hoseok around even if he were confined to a hospital bed. His savageness truly had no boundaries, because Hoseok found himself in the receiving end of this time an time again- although he couldn’t bring himself to mind since insults were Kihyunspeak for ‘I love you’ and ‘Thank you and I appreciate your spending time with me’.

“How was work today?” Kihyun would ask everyday, and everyday Hoseok would tell him all about Hyungwon antics, Changkyun’s exaggerated reactions to everything aimed at his general direction, Jooheon’s unsolicited aegyo and Hyunwoo’s painful obliviousness to Minhyuk’s flirting. Everyday, Kihyun would say “I wish I was there to see it” and Hoseok would respond with a “When you get better, you will, Ki.”

If Hoseok isn’t folding paper cranes then he’s holding Kihyun’s hand, and if he isn’t holding Kihyun’s hand then he’s folding paper cranes. When he’s made enough then he ties them up together in a garland before decorating Kihyun’s bleak hospital room with it- not that Kihyun could see but it helps bring life to the room, and the general hope and positivity that Kihyun will get better. And if Hoseok’s not doing any of the two, then he’s cradling Kihyun in his arms, while he’s crying and in pain, clutching his own head and pulling at his hair and helplessly pleading for Hoseok to make the pain go away. Afterwards, Kihyun falls back asleep and Hoseok resumes folding the cranes, desperate to make the thousandth so that the gods will grant him his one wish.

Hoseok does reach the one thousandth mark, and to celebrate, he writes a letter to Kihyun on the delicate paper- in small hand writing, back to back, before bringing it to him. He reads it, out loud, before setting it down next to the jasmines he planted.

Hoseok leaves the cemetery in silence.

 

**Modern**

Kihyun grew familiar with restless nights, plagued by dreams and haunted by death. There’s the familiar face of a stranger he’s sure he’s met before resonating through him, reverberating in his system, sending a painful familiarity he couldn’t place his finger on. (Minhyuk says he’s just been single for too long his subconscious is actually forming a hazy image of a man as a sign that Kihyun should get a boyfriend.) Sometimes he wakes with a trademark heavy feeling in his heart and overwhelming loneliness he was already accustomed to, sometimes he feels like his lungs are flooded with water- sometime akin to drowning and sometimes he has these blinding headaches.

He awakens to warm sunlight seeping in between the gaps of the blinds, as he blindly reaches out to try and preserve whatever memory he had in his dream. This one was relatively more pleasant- colorful, even, and he strongly has the urge to fold paper cranes. He reaches over to his nightstand, setting his notebook on top of his lap. With his pencil, he begins a rough sketch of the same face he sees- but like every other attempt, it’s rendered useless. It’s hard to draw something based on hazy, fading memory.

He always feels like he’s wandering around- and he actually does, because it feels like he’s trying to find something missing except he doesn’t know what it is. He’s drifted from one city to another, although he makes it a habit to stay away from the sea, because there was something about the blue that unnerves him when he sees it. His reverie is cut off by a-

“Wow Kihyunnie, you look like shit.”, uttered by a certain Lee Minhyuk. The said boy’s grin was enough reason for Kihyun to smile again, before slapping Minhyuk’s chest with the back of his hand. “Shut up, asshole,” he muttered in reply, before unlocking the doors to the café. Kihyun was tasked with manning the counter, while Minhyuk made the drinks. It was a simple system, and most of the time Kihyun crossed paths with people he’d only ever meet once, and some whose intersections were made to always cross with his time and time again.

It was a slow day, with only two or three customers inside the café. The bossa nova playlist Kihyun made was being played softly through the speakers. Minhyuk was sitting on the counter on his phone, while Kihyun was reading Hemingway, elbow rested on the counter and chin rested on his hand. There again was the familiar chime of the bell, heralding a customer. Both of the boys made no indication of moving, not even looking up from what they were doing.

“Uhm, excuse me?”, the customer asked, not exactly sure if he was intruding on something.

Minhyuk nudges Kihyun with the toe of his shoe. “Yah, that’s your customer”. With a groan, Kihyun shut his book and turned- only to be met with a familiar face. He felt a sense of de ja vu. Perhaps it was the man’s pained expression, or the fact that he looked just as surprised to see Kihyun as Kihyun was to see him- which technically, he’s never met this guy before in his life but it’s him, the angel from his nightmares, in the flesh. He felt like the wind was knocked out of him. He felt nauseated, felt like throwing up.  
He willed himself to move forward, saying “Hi, can I take your order?” His voice cracked yet he continued on, averting his gaze and staring at the monitor. “One grande, iced Americano”- the man spoke shakily. He reached for a cup, writing his order. “And what’s your name?”

“Hoseok”

and just like that, memories flooded in like an open dam. He remembers it all- the candlelit intimacies and the promise of coming back, the letters sent only when there’s solid ground beneath his feet and the smell of jasmines. He feels it all.

Kihyun is crying. The cup and marker, on the floor, while he is engulfed with the overwhelming feeling of finally finding and being found. He rubs his eyes, willing the tears away, while Hoseok reaches out, prying Kihyun’s hands away from his tears and taking them, matching them with his own.

“I finally found you.”


End file.
